I Killed My First Roach

And I'm not proud of how. I have nothing against killing bugs, however. Bugs gross me out, as do mice and geckos that slide along the walls in India. ::Shudder:: No, I'm repulsed at my reaction to the very first roach I have spotted in my NYC studio. Ok, second. The first one was a baby of a thing that might not even have been a roach. I don't know WHAT I saw last night was. It was one true mofo of a roach, and I'm not ashamed to say that. It was scurrying along my hardwood floors as if it was ready to take over the place, and all I could think to do was scream bloody murder.

I quite literally screamed such bloody murder that I had to calm myself down in case the neighbors or doorman heard me and rushed to my defense only to find the girl who cried wolf. I danced around. I ran to the bathroom. I ran out. Then I found my can of Raid and went for it. I literally had to chase and douse that thing in Raid before it finally sputtered somewhere between my futon and the silk cushion covers I had accidentally left on the floor.

While it sputtered, I ran to the closet and searched for the right pair of shoes to kill it with. Yeah. Instead of finding the first heavy thing that would do, I decided nothing would do. My daily boots and shoes wouldn't do for fear of wearing the murder weapon all day long and thinking about the roach guck smeared all over to the bottom. Sadly, I settled on my unused sneakers and then went for it. A few whams and bams later, it was all over, but I was still whimpering and yelping to myself like a lunatic.

Then I proceeded to tell everyone I could online that I had just killed a roach and needed a male roommate to kill future roaches for me. I was "ew" all over the place for about half an hour before I finally found it in my heart to give the poor thing a proper burial in my illegal toilet (yeah, apparently it is not "water-saving" and tankless and my super is appalled that I'm the only one in the building who has one - like it's my fault or something).

Whew. One thing I'm not looking forward to having to do again. I don't know how I slept at night. I may have grown up despite the whimpering and screaming.