Calling Mr. India

Are you there, Mr. India? It's me, Suman. I miss your floppy hat and jacket. And I prefer seeing you in colored light. It's also a treat to watch you boogie with Sridvevi. So can you please not touch Al Roker's feet on national television at the ungodly hour of 8 am? It is far too much for me to handle.

I know you've finally hit it big with "Slumdog Millionaire." I know Bollywood has not been good to you the last decade or so, and you finally have something to gloat about next to the proclaimed kings and princes and knights and ogres of Bollywood.

But see, you have a special place in my heart. You and all your kind belong in a certain category of celebrity and entertainment, and you cannot be taken out of context or evolve. It's practically blashphemous. Don't get me wrong. I do want you all to develop as artists and join the ranks of other international stars, but I don't want you to forget where you came from. Once in a while, it's semi-cool that people seem to know who you are. It's great that Al thinks you are like the Tom Hanks or Tom Cruise of India, but he doesn't actually know about Mr. India. I do. Every desi diasporic community does, too. We won't forget, and we intend to remind others.

A certain former beauty queen who is often referred to as The Most Beautiful Woman In The World has also been trying desperately to move between contexts and worlds. While I don't hold her in as high esteem as I hold you, her jet-setting is also somewhat disturbing to me. Who does she think she is - The Most Beautiful Woman In The World? This princess is supposed to wear awful outfits and prance around well enough to prove that models and beauty queens can act and dance, and that is about all I care to see from her. She can go evolve somewhere else - just not next to my banjo-strummin' Steve Martin in The Pink Panther 2. What will she do if he tries to teach her how to play it and ask her to sing along? Will she offer him her most frequent playback singer???

Someone commented that "we've entered the mainstream," and I don't really know what that means to me. I personally have never felt "not" a part of the mainstream, and what Bollywood star, physician, spirtual guru, businessmen, or politician did or didn't enter it really held little relevance for me. I went through a phase where it was somewhat interesting and cool, but now I'm over it. I'm bustling Great Neck, not Greater Kailash, and I don't know what exactly I should be cheering on or rooting for.

So, your newfound celebrity is sort of crampin' my second-generation style. I hear there is a Mr. India 2 on its way and I couldn't be happier. I just want Anil Kapoor to be Mr. India again.