The Importance of Being Earnest...And Unavailable

The Universe has been sending me mixed signals, even when it's done by the numbers - literally.

In sharp contrast to the suggestion the that I'm not emitting the right so-called-Vibes towards the opposite sex and thus quickening the speed at which I shack up and reproduce, my recent Numerology report accurately diagnosed some of my gravest personality ailments.

Don't ask why I have a Numerology report. I told myself yesterday that cramming for my finance exam at the last minute wasn't going to help, so I decided to attempt another type of financial analysis on Numerology.com. Truth be told, I'm sort of kooky, earthy, and new-age like that. But mostly, I wondered if I was missing something about myself, and those awesome little Google ads that show up in your Gmail are like giving a mouse a cookie.

I was suspicious about the meaning of my Life Path and Expression Number (8 and 4, respectively) but my Soul Urge number (6) was like, whoa. Finally, someone (Thanks, Mr. Blair Gorman of Numerology.com) seemed to understand that it's not that I don't have good vibes to send - in fact, they are all fantastic and too many of them are out there! In all my earnestness towards life, I have no mystery or sex appeal and am unacceptably, undesirably, and horrifically all too - available:

Your soul urge is to nurture and take care of others. You love people and believe the greatest expression of your inner divinity is through teaching and guidance. Many of you are very maternal or paternal at an early age and are often regulated, by default to the role of advisor or therapist in your social life. Unfortunately your willingness to take on other people's burdens threatens your romantic relationships. This is because you are often perceived as a friend or a helper rather than as an object of desire. The result is that many sixes end up with broken hearts simply because others simply could not recognize their empathy as being an expression of love and desire. Part of your challenge in life is to learn how to make yourself more sexually attractive to others. Often this means learning the brutal rules of the game of love, which in courtship often mean practicing a certain kinds of power plays and being mysterious. The mistake that you often make is letting yourself be too available to the person you are trying to attract. As the object of desire realizes that you are willing to be there for them no matter what, they take it for granted that you will settle for less. It is often a six who will spend a year comforting someone they are attracted to in the hopes the person will recognize their good heart, only to be dismayed when they are thanked for all their kind support and the person moves onto a romance with someone else. Your candidness and forthright manner is also a drawback romantically as others are turned off by your dogmatic approach. As you tend to discuss everything about yourself with a member of the opposite sex, there is little mysterious or sexy about you. Spilling your guts does not help you professionally either, as it encourages others to steal your ideals. Part of your inner struggle might be fighting your urge to connect so intimately with every single person you meet. One way to combat this is to make an effort to be a little more stand offish and play your cards close to your chest, especially when it comes to romance. As you are a very sensitive and compassionate person you tend to take things very personally. When others let you down you have a tendency to retreat from society and nurse your wounds. Often when a six decides to play the victim in a relationship he or she is met with very little sympathy or help. This is ironic as sixes are so eager to help others and comfort them when they are down and out. The cosmos presents you with this type of situation so that you are forced to heal yourself with the same type of focus and devotion that you use to heal others. If you feel yourself succumbing to a tendency to isolate yourself or find yourself succumbing to addiction or depression your best course of action is to forget about yourself entirely and go out and make an effort to help someone less fortunate than you. This teaches you to be helpful to people you are not attracted to as sixes have a way of only making themselves useful to individuals that they find attractive or desire. The very highest calling of your soul urge number is to renounce sex and relationships altogether and devote your life to a religious or spiritual practice.

If you want to know a second truth, this fits in nicely with my vision of helping those less fortunate than I in Africa or India in my 40s and eventually adopting the one poor child who just spoke to me like none other. While my life revolves around people and a the-more-the-merrier attitudes towards them, I've always secretly wondered if I might not reach my true potential if I did exactly that.

If you want to know a third truth, it's that I consider myself highly spiritually evolved (something else confirmed by Mr. Gorman) and thus miserably suited for living a conventional if comfortable life. Yeah, I'm so over it all that I can barely get through it. So mature that I can't dumb myself down to the level necessary to bear it. Too idealistic. Too romantic. Too trusting. Too everything. And now on top of everything else, too available.

I get it - I really do. But the point missed here is this - I'm only candid, forthright, and dogmatic when I've been given some sort of greenlight to be so, and when someone is responsive to this "dogmatic approach." So how can this make me too available? I want to think about it more, but it's a vicious cycle and makes my brain hurt, so I'll move on to a more interesting aspect of my Soul Urge.

Truth #4 - I'm certainly rather maternal and have really just always wanted to take care of people. That wasn't meant to be funny. In fact, it is why I tried to pursue medicine - twice. I've come to terms with the fact that there may be other ways I can follow that calling, if we want to call it that. And it's also true that the reason I find myself making it through at times is knowing that there are people far worse off than I, and rather than mull over myself, I should put my high evolution of spirit and mind towards helping them instead. I don't know if I can ever denounce all that I have, but I can certainly appreciate it to the max and at some point move on.

In sum, it appears that I'm too maternal, spiritual, earnest, and available for my own heart or reproductive system to handle. And so, for a little experiment of a while at least, I'll have to place some importance on being unavailable as well. I can be all too good at that, too, I have a feeling - let's see if it is possible to strike a balance. If not, Africa, here I come.